Ode to Eva de Jong | We are allowed to be present

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Eva de Jong was seventeen when she truly felt for the first time that Amsterdam was her city. She did not yet have her own place there, but as she walked through the streets, among the bustle of bicycles and trams, she knew: this is where I belong. The energy, the diversity, the freedom: everything about Amsterdam resonated with her.

Now, almost twenty years later, the city has been her home base for years. But her love for Amsterdam is not unconditional. “I am lucky to have a house, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for many people to continue living here,” she says. “People with a middle or even above-average income who want to stay here after their studies have to really bend over backwards to get a mortgage, for example. And renting in the private sector? That is also unaffordable for many people.

She fears that Amsterdam will turn into an open-air museum, like the center of London, where ordinary residents slowly disappear from the streetscape. Yet the city remains her safe haven, the place where she always returns home after a trip.

The struggle with assertiveness
 

Eva grew up in a village near Haarlem, where she learned to be socially desirable, accommodating and not to take up too much space. For a long time, she did not see this as a problem until she realized that she regularly made herself smaller than necessary.
 

“For example, I catch myself toning down my knowledge,” she says. ‘I have a degree in linguistics, but when a man at a party starts lecturing me about linguistics, I don't immediately say, ’That's not right.‘ I'm more likely to say, ’Oh, I think it might be slightly different, but I'm not sure.' Even though I am sure.”
 

She tries to break these patterns step by step. She practices taking up space, sometimes in seemingly small ways. “If someone cuts in line, I don't let it happen anymore. That may sound trivial, but it's an exercise in showing yourself. Now I say, ‘No, sorry, but I was here first.’”

A daughter as motivation
 

The birth of her daughter added another layer to her struggle with assertiveness. “I want to teach her that she doesn't have to apologize for her existence. That she has just as much right to speak up and take her place.”
 

She sees how boys often claim their space without hesitation, while girls are subtly taught to be modest. “I don't want my daughter to pick up that self-confidence. I want her to have the courage to say what she thinks without hesitation.”

Women who inspire
 

When she looks back on the women who have shaped her, Eva immediately mentions her mother and her former theater director, Lorentine van Tijn. Her mother grew up in a large family where education was not a priority. Yet she fought her way to university and built an independent life. “She never played the victim. She just solved it.”
 

Lorentine, once her Dutch teacher and later the director of the theater company that Eva was a member of for years, was another example. “She was powerful, empathetic, but also direct. She taught me that friction is not a bad thing. That you can clash for a while and then just move on together.”

A call for more solidarity
 

Eva's story is personal, but carries a broader message. “We women already get enough criticism from the outside world. But sometimes we also criticize each other.” She sees it on social media: women tearing each other down for their appearance, their choices, or their way of life. “Instead of tearing each other down, we should support each other more.”
 

Her advice to other women who would like to be more assertive? Start small. “If someone asks what you want to eat, don't say, ‘I don't mind’. Say what you really want. If someone cuts in line, say so. And if you know something and someone says something that is incorrect? Correct them. We can be proud of what we know and what we can do. We don't always have to smile and nod. We can just be there.”