Ode to Renée Frissen | Real change begins with recognition

This text was translated using AI and may contain errors. If you have suggestions or comments, please contact us at info.ode@amsterdammuseum.nl.

Renée Frissen knew from a young age that Amsterdam would be her city. When she was twelve, her grandmother took her on a day trip to the capital. There, walking through the streets, she immediately felt it: this is where I belong. From that moment on, it was certain—she would one day live in Amsterdam. And so it happened. At eighteen she found a room, started studying and never left the city again.

She has been living in Amsterdam for twenty-two years. But for her, Amsterdam is not just the place where she lives, but also the city in which her three children were born. A city where she has always been able to feel like herself. “Here you can sit in a café alone without anyone finding it strange,” she says. “Here I could see theater and make theater without being ‘that crazy stagehand girl’. Amsterdam gave me the freedom to be myself.”
 

In addition to being a mother and wife, Renée is also the director of OpenEmbassy, an organization she founded eight years ago. Her work revolves around helping newcomers to the Netherlands and Europe find their place in society as quickly as possible. But as a woman, she also experiences a challenge that many will recognize: the constant balancing act between work, motherhood and all the other roles she fulfills.

Renée has always seen how women carry an invisible load. At work, in the family, in society. They are the first to get up to take care of something, the ones who pay attention to the needs of others. And even now that women work just as hard as men, the mental and practical burden often ends up falling on them at home.
 

She sees it all around her, but also experiences it herself. She wants to be a good mother, a good partner, a good daughter. But also a strong leader. How do you combine all of that without losing yourself? This is not a battle she has already fully won. But it has certainly shaped her. “I have learned that I can bear a lot,” she says. “And that is powerful. But it has also made me think: do I really want this? How do I want to live my life? How much space do I want to take up?”

What touches Renée the most are the unexpected moments of recognition. She has experienced it many times: a conversation with a colleague about motherhood, a chance meeting during a demonstration, a shared insight with a woman who apparently has a completely different background. At those moments, when she feels deeply connected to other women, she realizes how universal this experience is. How much strength there is in sharing this burden, in recognizing each other's efforts.

That realization makes her struggle a collective one as well. “If women in Amsterdam become more aware of how much they do, how much they contribute, then we can give each other more recognition,” she says. “And I would love that. That we give each other strength, regardless of where we live, how much we earn or what our background is.

Grandmothers, mothers and mentors

When she looks back on the women who have shaped her, she mentions many. Her mother, first and foremost. Her grandmothers, who gave her strength at decisive moments. Her friends, who are a pillar of support for her. But also the women who saw her at a young age and believed in her. A teacher who encouraged her to do research. A professor who gave her the opportunity to teach and took her intellect seriously.
 

All these women have given her confidence. Confidence in herself, in her abilities, in her voice. That is what she hopes to pass on—to her children, to the women she works with, to the city that became her home. “I hope women dare to give themselves more space,” she says. “That they make their voices heard, that they recognize their own value.”
 

And for everyone who is not a woman, she has a simple message: “Look around you. Listen to the women in your life. Ask yourself: do I support them enough? Do I give them the space they deserve?” Because real change starts with recognition. With seeing, listening and appreciating. And that, Renée knows, is the basis of trust.